Thursday, August 30, 2012

I don't remember a thing...


Transient Global Amnesia
AKA
“I don't know what the hell you're talking about”

Definition
By Mayo Clinic Staff
Translated By The Bad Man

Disclaimer: This is in no way to belittle serious memory issues such as Parkinson's or Alzheimer's


Transient global amnesia is a sudden, temporary episode of memory loss that can't be attributed to a more common neurological condition, such as epilepsy or stroke.

Excuse me?
You’re saying I CAN TEMPORARILY FORGET SHIT?

Yes.

During an episode of transient global amnesia, your recall of recent events simply vanishes, so you can't remember where you are or how you got there. You may also draw a blank when asked to remember things that happened a day, a month or even a year ago.

With transient global amnesia, you do remember who you are, and recognize the people you know well, but that doesn't make your memory loss any less disturbing.

NO FUCKING WAY. 
Not disturbed at all! 
Please continue.


Fortunately, transient global amnesia is rare, seemingly harmless and unlikely to happen again. Episodes are usually short-lived, and afterward your memory is fine.

So you’re telling me,
I’m just gonna forget shit and be cool with it?

Short lived episodes = may happen a couple of times…

Stop fucking with me.  
This is not an illness.

This is the GREATEST HALL-PASS EVER!!


Symptoms

Transient global amnesia is identified by its main symptom, which is the inability to lay down new memories and to recall the recent past.  Doctors base a diagnosis of transient global amnesia on the following signs and symptoms:

Sudden onset of memory loss, verified by a witness

AKA: The Homie

Retention of personal identity despite memory loss –

“I know who I am, BUT WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?”
Awesome.

Normal cognition (ability to recognize and name familiar objects and follow simple directions, for example)

Let’s see, that’s a paddle.
That’s the lube.
Those are latex sheets.
That is 8lbs of Silly-Puddy.
And these are Magnums.

Absence of signs indicating damage to a particular area of the brain (limb paralysis, involuntary movement or impaired word recognition, for example)

Is this the part where I say I feel fine?

Duration of no more than 24 hours

Duly noted… THIS IS A 24HR HALL-PASS

Gradual return of memory

“Last thing remember was….” 
You mean I actually get to say that?

No evidence of seizures during the period of amnesia

Good.

No history of active epilepsy or recent head injury

A “one-time only” occurrence?
The new “First Offence” plea…

These signs and symptoms sometimes accompany memory loss in transient global amnesia:

Headache
Nausea
Vomiting
Dizziness
Chills or flushing
Fear of dying
Pins-and-needles sensation
Cold hands and feet
Powerful expression of emotion
Trembling
Sweating
Chest or neck pain
Visual disturbance
Racing heartbeat

What? That's a great fucking night's morning hangover!


Episodes of transient global amnesia last only six hours, on average, and there is no lasting damage. When an episode is over, you remember nothing that happened while your memory was impaired, and you might not recall several hours beforehand.

Otherwise, though, your memory is fine.


This is a one time deal…

You need to plan for this one.

It’s got to be special!




Make it a Night to remember.
Then forget about it.

Rules 1 & 2 definitely apply!
Rule #3 - you won't remember any way.


Have some fun with this one,
Sincerely,
The Bad Man

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