Tuesday, June 29, 2010

A Poker Lesson- Las Vegas style.

After a few crazy weeks, one needs to relax... 

Blow off some steam...

Where on Earth does a BadMan get to do that??

Wifey gets to shop, Papi gets to gamble.

Now, I'm no professional.  Not by a long shot.
I don't think I'm that good.

Normally, I can hold my own at any table,
tonight... Not so much.

This was a night to live and learn,
for on this night,
I sat with the big dogs.

Here's the thing you have to get about playing Vegas style poker...

No matter how good you are, eventually,  it will get you... 

If you're playing to make money, find a private game somewhere.

If you're playing for fun, have a friday night game with the boys.

If you're playing to learn something and get you're ass wiped out in six hands or less, 

Go to Las Vegas!

When it comes to these tables and my skill level, I tend to play ATM style.  That means I'll take out $300 and play till it's gone.

A good glance at the table and I know it... 

The Old Dogs are gonna take my lil $300 and never even lift their heads to look at me.
I lasted one hand. 
I'm "All In".
I would go the whole story with a card-by-card and all but why?  It Was One Hand...

I had trip Queens...
He had 

The Gut Shot Straight... 
on the river. 
The "Gut Shot" straight? 
On the river? 

Feels a lot like this...

That's all we need to say about that.

Nothing to do about it.  It was like I was never even there...  (Minus the loosing the money part.)

But WAIT!  There's more!

I take out another $200.  I just chilled out and played video poker. 

It was nice, playing 25c Video Poker games... (p.s. 25¢ Games = $1.25 per hand)

The sound of slot machines ringing and chinging.  
Every noise and sound bite you could ever hope to hear. 
Crowds cheering, Music, announcers, every dialect from Russian to Mandarin Chinese, to Texan... Even the Parakeet-esque squawks of "I almost made it" girls saying, "cocktails" soon became music to my ears.

I must have played 80 hands ($1.25 each).  After that many hands and no substantial wins, you just think "WTF., it's time to switch machines.  So I do.

I moved a couple seats down and kept playing...
(cuz of course, I'm gonna win back ALL  of my money... tonight!)

Along comes this girl and her goofy looking guy. 
They sit down at the machine I just left.

This girl plays 2 hands.
Straight Flush.

She won $400.

Even though they were no where near, I could hear the big dogs laughing.

Bottom line time;  

My name is the BadMan.  
I am a gambler...
I gamble because it's intriguing.

I gamble because
It's sexy.

I gamble because
It keeps my mind active
and my thoughts creative...

I gamble because
I can win
and I have made money doing it.

On this night, 
This unholy night
in Sin City...
I lost.

I played like a first time tourist.
I played like I shit the bed in the middle of the night.

For that reason,
I vow not to play poker...
in the casinos....
in Vegas....
for a little while....

I've moved on...

To Roulette...
it's sexy too.

Till next we meet.
The BadMan

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Mommy’s New Gun

Mommy’s New Gun
Happy Birthday Baby!!  This guns for you!!

The Second Amendment

"A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State,
the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed."

In short this means,
“We The People”, have a right to keep and bear arms.””

This also means,
The next person to break into my house, in the middle of the night, has the right to get his ass shot…

In short, that means
There will be only one side of the story… Do you feel me?

PS., Anyone who wants to prevent you from your right to keep and bear arms, by definition, is an enemy of the Constitution.

Normally, I would never share this type of info.
I don’t want everyone running around getting guns.  Just me, my wife and maybe my two oldest kids.

 It is better to have it and not need it,
Than to need it and not have it.

But right now, my reasoning goes like this

If someone breaks into your house, are they coming to chat?
For a pillow fight maybe?

These are bad people.

People who may be desperate, deranged or phycotic motherfuckers…  
These are people who have simply snapped.  
Rapist, molestors, murderers.

My personal favorite;


Mommies, Aunties, Sisters, Daugthers and Sons…

Firearms are considered Evil.
They are not.

Firearms are dangerous.
They are fucking supposed to be.

Firearms can accidently kill the owner.
So can a lawnmower, if you don’t what the hell you’re doing.

There are Rules.

There are always rules….
Please know these are my rules… not those of your local law inforcement agency. 

Ps., Thanks LAPD for letting me know this guy will be back on the streets in six months.

Got yourself a gun:
(In your home)

Rule #1
Know your gun.
Not knowing can get you killed.  It’s not rocket science, but it does take a little bit of practice and understanding.

Rule #2  
Practice shooting at the gun range.
Become a member.
This also gives you an excuse to have a firearm in you car….

Rule #3 
Keep your gun in a locked box.

This is Bullshit.

Keep your shit loaded, partially engaged and somewhere easy to get to.
Some unpresumptuous place in plain sight that only you know about.

Rule #4  
Never talk about where the gun is
with your friends.
You’d be surprised how often someone you know is out to fuck you up.
One way or another.

Rule #5 
Never take it out,
Unless you’re gonna use it.
That means:


Rule #6 
If someone forcibly enters your home:
Kill them… And then say, “ Freeze.”

It’s you or them.
Your choice.

Rule #7 Make sure they are not moving.
Call 911 and wait.

Ladies, I recommend this:


Small, light, accurate and powerful: 
The GLOCK 27 is the backup weapon for all situations. Because of its comfortable dimensions 
and the known advantages of the GLOCK pistol family 
it is very popular by police on patrol duty, which is why 
many law enforcement agencies issue this subcompact pistol.  

Glock jargon aside, it’s the perfect size for your cute hands and manicured fingers…

Can we talk about “aim” for a bit?
I think is important to hit your target.  You must practice!!  Join a gun club and learn the aim!!

It’s THAT simple.

In the event you run into this guy…  Just know he more than likely can’t hit you aiming like that

The side grip is a technique for shooting a handgun in which the weapon is rotated about ninety degrees and held horizontally instead of vertically (as is normally done). Shooting a gun in this way has no practical benefit under most circumstances and makes proper aiming very difficult, but the style has become somewhat popular in rap culture and among street criminals (who do not often use the gun sight) due to its portrayal in U.S. film and television since the 1990s.

Here are some places to aim... 
 A person will die if shot in the head, heart, lungs, or intestines.

Normally, it takes:
Hours to die if shot in the intestines,
Minutes if shot in the lungs,
Seconds if shot in the heart,
Instantly, if shot in the head.

If the Man is a rapist, please shoot that fucker in the head, heart, intestines & cock.

Myth: Guns are not a good deterrent to crime

Fact: Guns prevent an estimated 2.5 million crimes a year, or 6,849 every day.65 Often the gun
is never fired and no blood (including the criminal’s) is shed.

Fact: It seems to be slowing down property crime (especially burglaries). The legal handgun
supply in America (mainly in civilian hands) to the property crime rate.

Fact: Every day, 550 rapes, 1,100 murders, and 5,200 other violent crimes are prevented just by showing a gun. In less than 0.9% of these instances is the gun ever actually fired.

Fact: 60% of convicted felons admitted that they avoided committing crimes when they knew the victim was armed. 40% of convicted felons admitted that they avoided committing crimes when they thought the victim might be armed. A survey of felons revealed the following:  74% of felons agreed that "one reason burglars avoid houses when people are at home is
that they fear being shot during the crime."

Fact: Felons report that they avoid entering houses where people are at home because they fear being shot. 57% of felons polled agreed, "criminals are more worried about meeting an armed victim 
than they are about running into the police."

Fact: Washington D.C. has essentially banned gun ownership since 1976 and has a murder rate of 56.9 per 100,000. Across the river in Arlington, Virginia, gun ownership is less restricted. There, the murder rate is just 1.6 per 100,000, less than three percent of the Washington, D.C. rate.

Fact: 26% of all retail businesses report keeping a gun on the premises for crime control.
Fact: In 1982, Kennesaw, GA passed a law requiring heads of households to keep at least one firearm in the house. The residential burglary rate dropped 89% the following year.

Myth: Private ownership of guns is not effective in preventing crime.

Fact: Every year, people in the United States use a gun to defend themselves against criminals 
an estimated 2,500,000 times – more than 6,500 people a day, or once every 13 seconds.

these instances, 15.6% of the people using a firearm defensively stated that they "almost
certainly" saved their lives by doing so. Firearms are used 60 times more often to protect lives than to take lives.

In 83.5% (2,087,500) of these successful gun defenses, the attacker either threatened or
used force first, proving that guns are very well suited for self-defense.

Of the 2,500,000 times citizens use guns to defend themselves, 92% merely brandish their
 gun or fire a warning shot to scare off their attackers.

Less than 8% of the time does a citizen wound his or her attacker, and in less than one in a
thousand instances is the attacker killed.

For every accidental death, suicide, or homicide with a firearm, 10 lives are saved through
defensive use.

When using guns in self-defense 83% of robbery victims were not injured.
 88% of assault victims were not hurt.
• 76% of all self-defense use of guns never involve firing a single shot.

After the implementation of Canada's 1977 gun controls prohibiting handgun possession
for protection, the “breaking and entering” crime rate rose 25%, surpassing the American rate.

Myth: You are more likely to be injured or killed using a gun for self-defense

You are far more likely to survive a violent assault if you defend yourself with a gun.

In episodes where a robbery victim was injured, the injury/defense rates were: 119

 Resisting with a gun 6% 
Did nothing at all 25% 
Resisted with a knife 40%
Non-violent resistance 45%

According to the U.S. Department of Justice, 27 percent of American women keep a gun in the house and 37.6 million females either own or have rapid access to guns.

The world is crazy and getting crazier. Protect yourself and the ones you love.

That’s just real talk.

Good Luck,
The Bad Man

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

“Oh No Baby, It Wasn’t Me”

Transient Global Amnesia
“I don't know what the hell you're talking about”

By Mayo Clinic Staff
Translated By The Bad Man

Disclaimer: This is in no way to belittle serious memory issues such as Parkinson's or Alzheimer's

Transient global amnesia is a sudden, temporary episode of memory loss that can't be attributed to a more common neurological condition, such as epilepsy or stroke.

Excuse me?


During an episode of transient global amnesia, your recall of recent events simply vanishes, so you can't remember where you are or how you got there. You may also draw a blank when asked to remember things that happened a day, a month or even a year ago.

With transient global amnesia, you do remember who you are, and recognize the people you know well, but that doesn't make your memory loss any less disturbing.

Not disturbed at all! 
Please continue.

Fortunately, transient global amnesia is rare, seemingly harmless and unlikely to happen again. Episodes are usually short-lived, and afterward your memory is fine.

So you’re telling me,
I’m just gonna forget shit and be cool with it?

Short lived episodes = may happen a couple of times…

Stop fucking with me.  
This is not an illness.



Transient global amnesia is identified by its main symptom, which is the inability to lay down new memories and to recall the recent past.  Doctors base a diagnosis of transient global amnesia on the following signs and symptoms:

Sudden onset of memory loss, verified by a witness

AKA: The Homie

Retention of personal identity despite memory loss –

“I know who I am, BUT WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?”

Normal cognition (ability to recognize and name familiar objects and follow simple directions, for example)

Let’s see, that’s a paddle.
That’s the lube.
Those are latex sheets.
That is 8lbs of Silly-Puddy.
And these are Magnums.

Absence of signs indicating damage to a particular area of the brain (limb paralysis, involuntary movement or impaired word recognition, for example)

Is this the part where I say I feel fine?

Duration of no more than 24 hours

Duly noted… THIS IS A 24HR HALL-PASS

Gradual return of memory

“Last thing remember was….” 
You mean I actually get to say that?

No evidence of seizures during the period of amnesia


No history of active epilepsy or recent head injury

A “one-time only” occurrence?
The new “First Offence” plea…

These signs and symptoms sometimes accompany memory loss in transient global amnesia:

Chills or flushing
Fear of dying
Pins-and-needles sensation
Cold hands and feet
Powerful expression of emotion
Chest or neck pain
Visual disturbance
Racing heartbeat

What? That's a great fucking night's morning hangover!

Episodes of transient global amnesia last only six hours, on average, and there is no lasting damage. When an episode is over, you remember nothing that happened while your memory was impaired, and you might not recall several hours beforehand.

Otherwise, though, your memory is fine.

This is a one time deal…

You need to plan for this one.

It’s got to be special!

Make it a Night to remember.
Then forget about it.

Rules 1 & 2 definitely apply!
Rule #3 - you won't remember any way.

Have some fun with this one,
The Bad Man