Transient Global Amnesia
“I don't know what the hell you're talking about”
By Mayo Clinic Staff
Translated By The Bad Man
Disclaimer: This is in no way to belittle serious memory issues such as Parkinson's or Alzheimer's
Transient global amnesia is a sudden, temporary episode of memory loss that can't be attributed to a more common neurological condition, such as epilepsy or stroke.
You’re saying I CAN TEMPORARILY FORGET SHIT?
During an episode of transient global amnesia, your recall of recent events simply vanishes, so you can't remember where you are or how you got there. You may also draw a blank when asked to remember things that happened a day, a month or even a year ago.
With transient global amnesia, you do remember who you are, and recognize the people you know well, but that doesn't make your memory loss any less disturbing.
NO FUCKING WAY.
Not disturbed at all!
Fortunately, transient global amnesia is rare, seemingly harmless and unlikely to happen again. Episodes are usually short-lived, and afterward your memory is fine.
So you’re telling me,
I’m just gonna forget shit and be cool with it?
Short lived episodes = may happen a couple of times…
Stop fucking with me.
This is not an illness.
This is the GREATEST HALL-PASS EVER!!
Transient global amnesia is identified by its main symptom, which is the inability to lay down new memories and to recall the recent past. Doctors base a diagnosis of transient global amnesia on the following signs and symptoms:
Sudden onset of memory loss, verified by a witness
AKA: The Homie
Retention of personal identity despite memory loss –
“I know who I am, BUT WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?”
Normal cognition (ability to recognize and name familiar objects and follow simple directions, for example)
Let’s see, that’s a paddle.
That’s the lube.
Those are latex sheets.
That is 8lbs of Silly-Puddy.
And these are Magnums.
Absence of signs indicating damage to a particular area of the brain (limb paralysis, involuntary movement or impaired word recognition, for example)
Is this the part where I say I feel fine?
Duration of no more than 24 hours
Duly noted… THIS IS A 24HR HALL-PASS
Gradual return of memory
“Last thing remember was….”
You mean I actually get to say that?
No evidence of seizures during the period of amnesia
No history of active epilepsy or recent head injury
A “one-time only” occurrence?
The new “First Offence” plea…
These signs and symptoms sometimes accompany memory loss in transient global amnesia:
Chills or flushing
Fear of dying
Cold hands and feet
Powerful expression of emotion
Chest or neck pain
What? That's a great fucking night's morning hangover!
Episodes of transient global amnesia last only six hours, on average, and there is no lasting damage. When an episode is over, you remember nothing that happened while your memory was impaired, and you might not recall several hours beforehand.
Otherwise, though, your memory is fine.
This is a one time deal…
You need to plan for this one.
It’s got to be special!
Make it a Night to remember.
Then forget about it.
Rules 1 & 2 definitely apply!
Rule #3 - you won't remember any way.
Have some fun with this one,
The Bad Man