'Twas the night before Christmas...
Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the fucking whole works!
I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa"-- this bullshit I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money. (Suck it.)
The reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk and banged all the maids.
Donner is pregnant (again) and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better...
Those Fucktards from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that shit ain't funny
Who the fuck ever sent Santa any gotdamn money?
And the kids these days--they're all the pits
They want the impossible.
Those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons, trains and sleds
Assembling dolls... arms, legs and heads.
I made a ton of yo yo's... But no request for them,
Kids want computers and robots...Like I'm fucking IBM!
So' I'm Flying through the air... I'm dodging the trees
I'm falling down chimneys and fucking up my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.
If there's no Christmas next year now you know the reason,
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