Monday, May 23, 2011

Marriage… It is your business!

Sit down Son; 
I want to talk to you a spell.  I’m going to tell you about getting married.  
 I’m not going to hold back and candy coat shit for you.   
And at the risk of making my life harder than it needs to be
I’m going to be brutally honest…

Son, I believe in love... but this is the real deal.


First, let me say,
I don’t give a flying fuck if: 
Women marry women
Men marry men
Women marry men.
Second, let me say...

Love and Marriage

To love someone is infinitely easier than to be married to someone.
Marriage isn’t easy.

And like everything else in life…
If it starts, it will end.
Ps., If you were a player and had game....

Of Course
We want to grow old together, picket fences and porch swings…
at least that’s how it starts.


Life is crazy and anything can and will happen.

People die.
People get sickness’.
People leave you.
People cheat on you and stay with you.
People lie, cheat, steal…
It’s our nature…
It’s how we were raised, what we saw growing up,
It’s what we now consider normal.
Sorry to drop that on you like that but it’s real.

The truth is that people are selfish by nature and want little more than to enjoy themselves.
As long as that enjoyment comes from you towards yours and yours towards you, you’re good.

Romantically speaking,
We would all love it if the words, “Till death do us part” were in some way seriously enforceable
… or at least really meant just that.

But lets face it. 

Realistically, marriage is a business deal. And at the end of the day, the contract is the same.

Yes, I said contract.

Marriage is, at the end of the day, a business.
When you get married, you sign a contract. 
Your life is no longer “Single Proprietorship” it is now a “Partnership”
And yes, that contract is enforceable by law.

Congratulations!!!  Your love is now a legal union….

That, young one, means that marriage… is a JOB.

By definition: mar·riage  noun \ˈmer-ij, ˈma-rij\

Marriage is a social union or legal contract between people that creates kinship
It is an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged in a variety of ways, depending on the culture or subculture in which it is found. Such a union, often formalized via a wedding ceremony, may also be called matrimony.
(Thanks Wikipedia.)

Marriage is also something that is not NATURAL to do…
That means you have to WANT to do it.
So Who Marries?
People marry for many reasons, including one or more of the following:
Legal, social, libido, emotional, economical, spiritual, and religious.

These might include:
Arranged marriages
Family obligations
The legal establishment of a Nuclear Family Unit
The legal protection of children and public declaration of commitment
(I’m no judge, so I will keep my thoughts to myself about how or why others get married. 
 I can only speak for myself and share my own madness.)
The act of marriage usually creates normative or legal obligations between the individuals involved. In some societies these obligations also extend to certain family members of the married persons.
Not sure how to take that… To me, if you get married, you automatically get the obligations extended to all family members of the married persons.
In cultures that allow the dissolution of a marriage this is known as divorce.

Now this is the part you
before you get married.

Marriage is usually recognized by the state, a religious authority, or both. It is often viewed as a contract. Civil marriage is the legal concept of marriage as a governmental institution irrespective of religious affiliation, in accordance with marriage laws of the jurisdiction.

 That means your marriage runs according to the laws of the city, county 
or state that you were married in. 
 It also means that you don’t actually have to marry to be married.

Common-law marriage
In some jurisdictions but not all, marriage relationships may be created by the operation of the law alone. Unlike the typical ceremonial marriage with legal contract, wedding ceremony, and other details, a common-law marriage may be called "marriage by habit and repute (cohabitation)." A de facto common-law marriage without a license or ceremony is legally binding in some jurisdictions but has no legal consequence in others.
 Did you know??
 A marriage bestows rights and obligations on the married parties, and sometimes on relatives as well, being the sole mechanism for the creation of affinal ties (in-laws).
 These may include:
Giving a husband/wife or his/her family control over a spouse's sexual services, labor, and property.
Giving a husband/wife responsibility for a spouse's debts.
Giving a husband/wife visitation rights when his/her spouse is incarcerated or hospitalized.
Giving a husband/wife control over his/her spouse's affairs when the spouse is incapacitated.
Establishing the second legal guardian of a parent's child.
Establishing a joint fund of property for the benefit of children.
Establishing a relationship between the families of the spouses.
These rights and obligations vary considerably between societies, and between groups within society.

Does the word “Pre-Nup” come to mind?
People, who come from money or make money before they married, usually have some business savvy in them or in their family and friends. And since a “pre-nup” is a contract and marriage is a business deal. They normally go hand in hand for those with cheese.

For those who didn’t come from money, and those who blindly marry for love, and those who are too young or those who get caught by the gold digger…  A “Pre-nup” never seems to involved.

So why the hell would anyone want to get married!?
Well let’s run it down…

Most people get married too early.  
Puppy Love - Kids fall in lust and just because the sex is good think they will live like that forever. (Sweet huh?)
Some women feel the need to marry before 40…
News flash: If you’re 30 something and your man loves you, LOVE HIM BACK. That way, none of this will be an issue. Yeah, I’m sure it’s about the ceremony and keeping up with your friends and not feeling like a spinster.  But the news is the same old news… If your man loves you, love him back. You’ll get your ceremony, your friends will envy you and you won’t grow old alone.

Some marry for money (See above re: rights and obligations.)

Guys marry after getting a girl pregnant…
Dumbass - For the getting the girl pregnant.
Good man for taking responsibility, but this is not the preferred way to start a family.

(In case you’re wondering, yes. I am married. 
 I am a businessman. I am a business, man.)

And Why Not
People actually say, “We been together so long, it just made sense…”

For a Green Card
Normally there’s some money involved not love, Gaining citizenship anywhere new is a bitch. But marrying for a green card to help someone get a green card is NOT a good idea.

It’s true! Some people are actually really, truly, deeply, madly, in-love with one another
… when they get married.

Marriage ceremonies are different from wedding to wedding and culture to culture…  but marriage.  That bonding agreement between two people is pretty much the same, no matter where you go.

Now what?
Now you try to keep it together.
But what could possibly go wrong?
You may not marry for money, but money will always be an issue. I will tell you from experience; If you have no say in the financial matters of your business, then 100% you are getting screwed financially in your business.

I love kids, especially my own, but kids require a new level of patience… Most of the time it’s not the kids who end the marriage, it the way the parents treat the children. 
Hint: Want your marriage strong enough to last with kids?
Put your spouse before your children and never put the children between the two of you in bed…

They don’t truly like you. I say this because blood is thicker than water.
When shit goes down, the in-laws walk with the other side.

Firstly, I don’t believe in the word “Step” I you marry someone with kids; those kids are yours now too!
(Remember the line about, “For better or for worse”?)

The Stall.
GREAT!! What the FUCK is the stall?
When you walk by each other and purposely don’t touch…
When you don’t laugh anymore…
When the passion is gone…
When you start looking for something (someone) new to inspire you…
When you’re too busy (doing nothing really) to be with your partner…
When you’re bored with each other…
When the grass is greener…
When your marriage is no longer a partnership…

The Breakdown.
Top reasons why American women said they'd gotten divorced –
Communication problems (69.7 percent);
unhappiness (59.9 percent);
incompatible with spouse (56.4 percent);
emotional abuse (55.5 percent);
financial problems (32.9 percent);
sexual problems (32.1 percent);
spouse's alcohol abuse (30.0 percent);
spousal infidelity (25.2 percent);
Physical abuse (21.7 percent)

Top reasons why American men said they'd gotten divorced –
Communication problems (59.3 percent);
incompatible with spouse (44.7 percent);
unhappiness (46.9 percent);
emotional abuse (24.7 percent);
financial problems (28.7 percent);
Sexual problems (30.2 percent).

Can it be fixed?
Hell yeah it can be! 
I said I believe in love.
Flip everything you just read…
Don’t do that shit or be with someone who does that shit to you.
That’s how you fix it! 

What if it can’t be fixed?
If for whatever reasons you even remotely feel like your marriage is broken and you want to fix it…
Before you argue about it anymore, fill out divorce papers.
COMPLETELY fill out divorce papers. DO NOT FILE THEM, (yet).
But the minute you feel like your marriage fucked, fill them out.
You will see just how sickening divorce is and be forced to deal with the reality
of where you are in your partnership. 

After that, be real with yourself.  
Live your truth and above all, don’t just toss it away. 
Try to see where the problem is
… Maybe it’s you. 

So what’s it all about?


Truth be told?
I’d say that if your intention is to start a family, then make sure you have the right business partner
for your soon to be corporation, then go for it!
Go 50-50 in all information and always credit each other for your successes,
be each others best friend and you will be golden. 

Once you have kids, share the children but do not share each other… 
Keep the two of you tight with the kids holding on…
Sounds wrong but I assure you it’s right.

Tell each other the truth, no matter how much it hurts and you will avoid the ultimate hurt of living a lie.
That’s not what partners do and in the end the lie is never worth the pain.

Bottom Line.

Marriage is a business. 

Handle your business honestly and fairly and with love.
No one starts a business to remain a small business, so start a family, a corporation..
Be your own versions of Bonnie and Clyde. 
When married you ride together and you’d die together.
If you don’t feel that way, don’t get married.

If you don’t feel that way anymore after you’ve been together for a while, 
it’s normal and you have to work to get it back.

It is not easy and will get worse before it gets better…

If you know that you are a selfish person, 
then know that getting married may not be your bag. 
 It’s a partnership.

Your life is no longer “Single Proprietorship” it's now a “Partnership”.

Good Luck,
The Bad Man

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