Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Love Basics... Are You in Love?

Your with someone special,
just not sure how special? 

The Basics:
Based, in part, on Sam Keen's book:
Bantam Books, 1997.

Listed below are the basics of love.
You will want to have most, if not, 
all of these poppin off in your relationship...

Mind you, I'm not asking if your lover does these things for you. 
I'm asking if you do these for your lover. 
See the bitch about love and loving is you have to give it
... Not that it will be returned.

Do You Pay Attention?: Focus on your lover? Selflessly, not obsessive or excessive, just selflessly... Do you notice what mood s/he is in? Are you aware of your partner's pain, struggles, hopes, accomplishments, and disappointments? Do you put your concerns on hold for him/her?

Background Info?: Do you know your lover's past? Do you have a historical understanding of the forces and events that have shaped your mate's life. Do you understand where they are coming from?


Empathy?: Can you put yourself in your their shoes? Or make sense of their world or perspective?

Fair Fights?: Those who argue well, love well...  Do you fight without desiring to win, or to destroy the other? Can you disagree without physical or emotional brutality, name calling, threats, residual resentment or withholding love, sex or money. 


Can you appreciate your partner's position?
Do you understand that several realities and truths
can co-exist simultaneously and that
warring parties can simultaneously both be right.


Reset?: Can you make a commitment to start over and over again? To endure the hard times? To learn to rebuild trust and affection after falling out of love? To resolve, heal, forgive, and forget, and move on? 

Work through the difficulties;
The extra-marital affair,
Can you meet the challenge of a good marriage: 
When we fall out of love and into reality...

Do You Care?: Acts of kindness and support--not just thoughts, or feelings. Do you offer real, tangible, and generous support? Unselfishly. Actively encouraging your lover's emotional, physical, and/or spiritual growth. 

Appreciation?: Can you say "Thank You" for what your love does, provides, enables, or supports? 

Say it often:
And be aware of your lover's reactions, contributions and efforts. 
You have to recognize the ways your lover shows 
his/her dedication to the relationship... to you.

Make Things Right?: Do you feel remorse and ask for forgiveness when your words or behavior have hurt your partner? Say "I'm sorry!" as often as needed. 

Not only to express sincere regret for any pain or anguish you inflict, but also make a commitment to change your behavior.

Absolution: The willingness to forgive and let go of resentments. 

To replace anger, rage, and disappointment with tolerance.
To "agree to disagree." 
I get this, BUT, forgiveness only comes with the truth..
the end of ALL issues that cause problems..
come between us.
So be honest at all cost...

Ps Not mentioning something that YOU KNOW is an issue
... is still lying.

The Love (Prerequisite) Essentials
Self-knowledge: You have got to know and love you before you can know and love anyone else.

Balance: Do you have your shit together in your life?  It's ok to have baggage, as long as you still have room to grow.  Believe me when I tell you, this is just the tip of my iceberg.. 
There's so much more to it.

It's a beautiful thing to build,
a hard thing to hold on to
and a devastating thing to loose. 

Good Luck,
The Bad Man

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